


Hold My Hand Tight

by WeAreTheLuckyOnes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel (Supernatural), First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Love Confessions, M/M, Really Gross Romantic Sex, Smut, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:27:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreTheLuckyOnes/pseuds/WeAreTheLuckyOnes
Summary: It's something that's been going on for a while, even longer than Castiel can truly remember, but something that he's only just beginning to notice. He'd been far too busy in the last decade, but now, with Chuck and his Grace gone - for good this time - he's had the occasion to examine the exchanges the two of them have shared in the ten years they've known each other.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 176





	Hold My Hand Tight

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Devil Town by Cavetown who is my aromantic idol, baby I love you. 
> 
> Massive thanks to my betas [Feathers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feathers7501) and [Kitti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittimau).
> 
> Also, I wrote two versions of this one, one with smut and one without, so if you want to read the SFW version it's [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182215).

Castiel doesn't understand humans, and he certainly doesn't understand Dean. 

It's something that's been going on for a while, even longer than Castiel can truly remember, but something that he's only just beginning to notice. He'd been far too busy in the last decade, but now, with Chuck and his Grace gone - for good this time - he's had the occasion to examine the exchanges the two of them have shared in the ten years they've known each other.

Humans are extremely physical beings, more physical than Castiel is often comfortable with, but he gets the impression that Dean goes a bit t overboard when he engages in physical contact with him. He hasn't observed any of the other humans he encounters on a semi-regular basis be quite so forward - he's sure it's just Dean.

Dean touches his arms and shoulders often, leans in to tell Castiel something about the case they're working and steadies himself with a hand around his forearm. Sometimes he plants his hand on Castiel's knee to get his attention when they're sitting side by side. Sometimes he pats Castiel's cheek on his way to bed. 

Sam never touches him like that.

Castiel's social skills aren't exactly perfect - in fact, they're far from perfect and much closer to absent, even after years spent in the human world - but he's almost sure Dean's trying to use his body language to tell Castiel something, something he isn't understanding. 

Castiel's long list of strengths does not include subtlety, whatsoever, so once he's completed his brief observation of the interactions between the others around him, when Dean next touches Castiel in a way the others don't, he mentions it.

Dean has placed his hand on Castiel's elbow to lead him through the doors into a Wisconsin diner, after Sam and Eileen. Castiel lets him but also turns to shoot him a curious look and tells him, "I can find the way myself, Dean. Not that I don't appreciate the contact, as always."

Dean's brows knit together and he mouths _the contact_ testing the word on his tongue like he's not sure what it means. He doesn't let go of Castiel's elbow, though; not until they've reached the booth Sam and Eileen have chosen to occupy, letting go only as he's falling onto the bench. 

"That wasn't a request for you to stop, Dean."

He doesn't understand why Dean makes an alarming choking sound, or why Sam is biting his tongue to stop an amused grin (though barely) as he signs something to Eileen that is too fast for Castiel to translate. 

-*-*-

Early the next morning, after Castiel has been so rudely awoken by sounds from Sam's bedroom (sounds he would rather not think about), he finds his way into the kitchen and starts the coffee machine. He still doesn't enjoy the taste of coffee, but he finds himself turning it on for Dean every morning before using the kettle to make himself tea. Tea, he likes. 

He hears Dean stumbling down the hallway - Sam likens it to the approach of a drunken zombie, grunting and all - and when he steps through the doorway, Castiel has a coffee ready for him, held out. Dean takes it gratefully and swallows at least half of it while it's still boiling hot as Castiel says, "Eileen can be forgiven for being so loud because she's deaf, but Sam has no such excuse."

Dean makes a choking sound, and coffee comes dribbling from his mouth and nose. It would be amusing if Castiel didn't know how painful it is to accidentally snort liquids. He leans forward as he's rubbing his nose and thunks his head into Castiel's shoulder a few times. "Jesus fucking Christ, Cas. I've already heard it, I really don't need to think about it too."

Dean stays with his head against Castiel's shoulder, drinking his coffee, and Castiel is really enjoying the contact, don't get him wrong, but he also really needs to know why Dean is doing it in the first place. "Dean?" Dean only mumbles in reply, but it sounds like an acquiescence, so Castiel continues. "You engage in frequent physical contact with me, is this normal for humans? Or perhaps normal for you?"

When Dean pulls away then, he looks far more awake, and nervous, swallowing thickly and hiding his face behind his mug. "I mean, I dunno man, some people are just like that."

"Sam isn't. Eileen can occasionally initiate physical contact, but certainly not to the extent that you do," Castiel says. He wrings his hands - a nervous gesture he has begun noticing in himself since reclaiming his humanity - and then bites his bottom lip with the effort to keep his hands still. "I enjoy your touch, Dean."

"Yeah. Me too."

Dean's cheeks flush pink and he tries to hide a smile with his coffee cup as he makes his way to the kitchen table, but Castiel sees it anyway. It makes his chest feel warm and tight. When Sam and Eileen enter the kitchen, flushed and slightly disheveled, Castiel is sitting at the table next to Dean with toast (one piece with peanut butter and another with jelly, smushed into a sandwich - Eileen's idea) and Dean's hand is rested on his thigh. Dean doesn't move it, but the room's new occupants don't notice.

The next night, Castiel sees Sam slip into the rec room out of the corner of his eye almost an hour after Dean has fallen asleep with his head in Castiel's lap, and long after Castiel's thighs have gone numb from lack of movement. He stands inside the doorway, eyebrow raised, mouth twisted up into a smug smirk. 

Castiel gives him a confused look, head tilted to the side. "Yes, Sam?"

Sam looks pointedly at his sleeping brother and says, "So, Cas, anything you'd like to tell me? There's fifty bucks with my name on it just _waiting_ for me."

Castiel is even more confused now, and he screws up his mouth, blinking up at the man in front of him. "I do not understand."

"You and my brother," Sam says, prompting Castiel to speak, but Castiel doesn't know what Sam wants him to say. At Castiel's continued confusion, Sam rolls his eyes and goes on, "You've been touching each other a lot, y'know. Like, you touched each other a lot before, but it's been worse."

"Oh," Castiel replies, frowning thoughtfully. "I guess we have. Is that… bad?"

Sam's face morphs into confusion, and then contemplation, then something like resignation, which he hides with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "No, I just thought it meant you- no. Nevermind, just ignore me. Have you seen Eileen?"

Castiel explains that Eileen left just before Sam arrived home, and asked Castiel to tell Sam she'd be back soon. With Sam satisfied, he leaves the room.

Dean stirs as Sam's shutting the door and mutters, "Wassat?"

"Nothing, Dean, go back to sleep."

Dean's eyes flutter closed and he rolls onto his other side so he's facing Castiel, forehead pressed into Castiel's stomach. Castiel feels a heat grow in his gut that he recognises as arousal, yet he can't explain why.

-*-*-

Castiel helps Dean make burgers, though he mostly sits at the kitchen island cutting ingredients while Dean stands at the stove. Castiel still isn't allowed to cook anything that involves the stove and oven after the time he started a _small_ fire, which he doesn't really mind because it means he gets to sit back and watch Dean while he works. 

Sam is sitting at the kitchen table with a lore book and a beer, and Eileen is somewhere she hasn't seen fit to explain to any of them (again). Dean hasn't mentioned Sam's unwillingness to assist yet, or his laziness, which is unusual for him, but Castiel doesn't bother to ask why when he's far more interested in looking at him. 

Occasionally, when he needs something Castiel has cut up, he'll lean over where Castiel sits, hand on Castiel's shoulder to steady himself, hair brushing against Castiel's cheek. It's the only time Sam will look up from his book, to shoot them a confused frown, before he shakes his head and continues reading. Castiel is still confused, more so than he was by Dean's increased contact, but he hasn't bothered to ask what Sam had meant. 

When the food is finished and Eileen has reappeared, they sit together at the table to eat. Eileen looks a bit nervous, and maybe a bit nauseous, and Castiel wants to ask if she's okay, but Dean stops him, a steady hand on his knee, and leans over to whisper into Castiel's ear.

"It's a _them thing_ for now, Cas, they'll explain later."

Castiel doesn't understand what Dean means, but he doesn't bother inquiring, instead, tuning back into Sam and Eileen's friendly argument regarding a relatively recent pop culture reference that Castiel doesn't understand. Yas-key-er is an unusual name; he may have to use the internet to research it later. 

After dinner and once Sam has washed the dishes and Eileen has put them back in their place, Dean announces to the kitchen that the Impala hasn't been out for some time and that he and Castiel are going for a drive. Castiel doesn't mind that he wasn't consulted, he enjoys spending time with Dean no matter what they do. When he turns to look at Sam and Eileen, Sam is undisturbed by Dean's announcement, however, Eileen shoots Dean a grateful look.

Once in the Impala and out of the garage, Castiel turns to Dean and says, "I sense you know something Eileen has asked you not to tell me."

Dean shrugs then turns to shoot Castiel a smile. "Maybe. Where do you want to go?"

"I do not mind, Dean, as long as you are there," Castiel replies.

Dean's hand reaches out to squeeze Castiel's knee, and it stays there until they reach the roadhouse down the highway and they have to separate to exit the car. They play pool for a few hours, for fun rather than for money, and Castiel enjoys every moment of it, especially when Dean steps up behind him and places his hands over Castiel's on the cue to help him line-up his shot.

-*-*-

Castiel senses that Sam has been longing to tell him and Dean something, but every time he goes to open his mouth to do so, Eileen stops him. Castiel is starting to find it increasingly frustrating. He's tried to pry the secret from Dean, but he's held his tongue tighter than Eileen has. Castiel doesn't like not knowing something the people around him do, though he does feel incrementally better when he calls Rowena and Jack to ask if they know, only to find them just as clueless as he is. 

For once in the six months that he's been human he wishes he still had his powers, only to be reminded by the voice in the back of his head (that has begun to sound suspiciously like Dean) how intrusive his friends found his mind-reading. 

The only thing that placates his thoughts is the knowledge that if the secret was something bad, they wouldn't keep it from him. 

They visit the roadhouse a few more times, and Castiel gets the feeling that it's to give Sam and Eileen time to themselves. On one of the nights they spend at the bar, after playing pool and drinking beer for a few hours, as they're leaving the building, Castiel slides his hand into Dean's, like he's seen Eileen and Sam do. Dean doesn't pull away, instead squeezing Castiel's hand and bringing it up to press it against his chest so he can pat it with his free hand. 

When they reach the Impala in the back of the lot, Castiel is reluctant to let go, and Dean seems to be too, so they stand there for an unnecessary amount of time. 

Castiel's staring down at their hands as Dean leans back against the door, and after a silence that seems to stretch on for hours, but couldn't be more than a few minutes, Castiel says, "Dean?"

Dean's only response is to hum, and when Castiel looks up at him, he's got his lip between his teeth, worrying at the skin, looking deep in thought. He doesn't say anything, barely even registers Castiel's trying to get his attention until Castiel says his name again. His eyes refocus and the smile he bestows to Castiel is beautiful. Dean reaches up with his free hand and takes Castiel's face into it, running his thumb over his cheekbone. Castiel gets the urge to lean forward and press his mouth to Dean's, and he's just about to when Dean pulls his hand away again and says, "C'mon, Cas, let's go home."

Castiel finds himself disappointed, but goes nonetheless, sliding his hand out of Dean's and walking around the car to get into the passenger seat.

Back in the bunker, after Dean has disappeared into his room for the night, Castiel sneaks through the hallway to the door of Sam and Eileen's bedroom. He knocks on it gently, worried about waking them, but also desperate for the answers to the questions burning in his mind, and whispers, "Sam, it's Castiel."

When Eileen opens the door, she's wearing one of the thick grey robes Dean still calls _the dead guy robes_ , her hair still wet from a shower. She looks tired, but at least he hadn't woken them. "Is everything alright, Castiel?"

"Can I come in?" He asks, signing while he says the words. Eileen looks back into the room then shrugs, stepping to the side so Castiel can pass her. Sam's sitting on the edge of the bed in a pair of pyjama pants and a shirt Castiel is pretty sure was one of Dean's, and his hair is also wet. The look he shoots at Castiel is one of understanding - like he knows exactly why he's here and is just waiting for Castiel to admit it. "Uh… do I… am I attracted to Dean?"

"Ah-ha! He can be taught. And it only took you twelve years," Sam says, climbing to his feet and clapping a hand over Castiel's shoulder. "No offense, Cas, but you're the dumbest person I've ever met, rivaled only by my brother."

"None taken," Castiel replies honestly, nodding his head. He's pretty much in agreement. This is quite possibly the stupidest thing he's ever done. "Is this the secret you guys have been keeping from me? Did you all know?"

Eileen makes a funny noise in the back of her throat, and she and Sam share a look. "No it's not, but yes, we did all know. I reckon just about every person who's ever seen the two of you together in a room knows. Everyone but you and Dean."

"And Dean, does he…?"

"Feel the same?" Sam asks, eyebrow raised. "Most definitely. We were all sort of hoping you guys would figure it out eventually, but there was an apocalypse, and another, purgatory, death, blah blah blah, and you just never did."

"Now that you've figured it out, can you go do something about it? I'm sick and tired of the sexual tension, and I've only had a couple years of it. Sam's had it for most of his adulthood," Eileen says with a raised eyebrow, arms crossed over her chest with her fingers tapping at his arm. She looks impatient with him, but also exceedingly amused, and it's making Castiel very confused. 

When Castiel doesn't say anything or move, his head tilted to the side while he tries to absorb all the information he's just received into his alcohol-soaked brain, Eileen waves her hand expectantly. "Oh! Now? Oh okay. Thank you."

The room behind Dean's door is still and quiet, and Castiel doesn't knock. Dean is asleep, and everything Castiel has to say to him can wait until he wakes.

-*-*-

Castiel doesn't like going out to pick up groceries by himself; he's so used to going with Dean that he feels surprisingly lonely. But Sam had asked him to, and promised everything would be explained when he got back, and Castiel trusts him so he goes.

He has a list Eileen's written him, with each item categorized by aisle so he doesn't have to go back and forth, and he's almost finished when he gets a text from Dean asking him to wrap it up and head home. He uses the word _home_ , and Castiel's chest clenches in a way that makes him dizzy, but it’s also kind of nice. Once he's paid, he wheels the shopping cart out to the parking lot and leaves it beside the trunk of Sam's borrowed car so he can pack it all into the back seat. When he looks up to take another bag from the cart he sees a bright red convertible drive past. The top is up, but he's pretty sure it's Rowena's, and now he's most definitely confused. 

He finishes packing the car and leaves the cart in the corral before heading back to the bunker. 

It was most definitely Rowena's car, and it's parked in the garage when he gets there. He parks next to it, climbs out, and is surprised when Rowena and Jack do the same, like they had seen him in the parking lot, too, and were waiting for him to arrive. 

"Hello Jack, Rowena."

Jack grins brightly at Castiel and jumps into his arms before he can react. He's recently become far more tactile than he has ever been during his very few years of life, and the last few times he'd come to visit he had pulled Castiel and the others into a tight hug each and pressed his mouth to their cheeks like Rowena often did. Castiel is often surprised at how much he doesn't mind the new, increased levels of touch in the people around him.

As Jack pulls away from Castiel, satisfied with the layer of saliva he's left on Castiel's cheek during his kiss, he says, "Cas, look!" On his outstretched hand, a small ball of flickering fire appears. He looks so proud of himself and his smile is wider and brighter.

Not long after God's destruction Jack's power had become unpredictable and dangerous again - at least, what was left of it, as the act of destroying God had severely depleted his Grace. With Castiel no longer an angel, the only person with enough power to help Jack control his own had been Rowena. Instead of simply teaching him control, Rowena had decided to turn him into her apprentice, using his power for witchcraft. Castiel didn't mind, really, as long as it was going towards something rather than spreading uncontrollably like a wildfire. Over the four months Jack had been living with Rowena he'd become rapidly proficient in magic, something Castiel could tell made Rowena very proud, but wouldn't admit to.

"That is very good, Jack, I am proud of how quickly you have been progressing."

Jack's cheeks flush red and his eyes shine as the smile on his mouth grows impossibly bigger. "Do you need help?"

Rowena complains - informing him that she only filled her nails yesterday, and if she breaks them, he'll be paying for their replacement - but she still helps carry the bags into the kitchen. Dean is waiting for them, coffee in his hand, and he helps put the food away without having to be asked. Bumping his shoulders and hips into Castiel's every time they pass.

Sam and Eileen still haven't appeared by the time Castiel has almost finished cooking and he's becoming increasingly nervous, though he's unsure why. He's made pasta from a recipe in the cookbook Eileen gave him when he decided he wanted to learn how to cook, and it doesn't look great (the sauce is too thick and he thinks he may have overcooked the pasta) but when Castiel tastes it, he decides it doesn't matter what it looks like, because it has a really strong bacon flavour. Dean, at least, will love it. Castiel has long since decided that the only opinion he has ever and will ever care for is Dean's.

Sam appears first, sitting at the table next to Jack, clapping a hand over his shoulder in greeting, and smiling over at Rowena. Castiel hands the pot of pasta to Dean who places it on the table, then the pile of plates, then the salad Dean begrudgingly made (after a fair amount of complaint). There's still most of a bottle of wine in the fridge and Castiel grabs that while he's reaching for the beers. Eileen looks nauseous again when she enters the room, she’s a bit pale and looks like she might vomit, the way she’s looked on and off for days. Castiel's suddenly reminded of the hours Kelly would spend in front of the toilet the closer she got to her due date. She often complained about having to go through the morning sickness again, and not being told that it could reoccur. 

Castiel takes a moment to reevaluate everything he's seen Eileen do over the last few weeks before he blurts out, "Eileen, are you pregnant?"

Dean shoots him a look, and Sam yelps Castiel's name, but Eileen doesn't seem angry.In fact, she begins to silently laugh, leaning over behind Sam to press her forehead to Sam's shoulder. Once she's stopped shaking with quiet laughter she looks up and signs, "We'd hoped your obliviousness would last at least ten minutes longer, but I suppose that was too much to ask."

"Seriously? You're pregnant?" Jack asks, bouncing up and down in his seat with a broad smile on his face. Castiel doesn't understand why he seems to be so excited, but given how depressed he'd been as his powers were failing, Castiel doesn't care why he's happy, as long as he stays that way.

Dinner is far louder and more raucous than any dinner they've had since the week following Chuck's defeat. Dean spends most of the night with his hand on Castiel's knee, and Castiel spends most of the night wondering if Dean would taste like pasta and beer or something else if Castiel kissed him.

-*-*-

Castiel takes a shower after Rowena and Jack leave. Since becoming human for the second time, showers have become his favorite part of the day. He enjoys the peace and the quiet, the tapping of water on his skin. The showers in the bunker are communal, like the showers in the homeless shelter in Emery had been, and Castiel finds comfort in it in a way that Dean and Sam both do not. They often complain about the lack of privacy, something Castiel doesn't understand given how their childhood on the road with John had been.

He goes through the basket of clean laundry Sam had placed on his bed that morning, which he had gone out of his way to avoid putting in the closet. He finds a shirt he's pretty sure is Dean's (or at least _was_ Dean's) and a pair of sweatpants he _knows_ are Sam's (he has to cuff them at the ankles and tighten the drawstrings). He has his own clothes but he finds he feels much more comfortable in Sam and Dean's, and occasionally Eileen's; he still doesn't understand why she thought finding him in her sweater was so funny (it was soft and it had bees on it. _Bees_ ). When he steps out into the hallway he can just faintly hear Dean's music through the door across the hallway. It doesn't necessarily mean he's still awake, but Castiel decides to knock anyway.

"Come in, Cas!" Dean yells from the other side of the door. When Castiel steps inside, Dean is on the bed holding a book titled _Sword of Destiny_ , listening to a song on the record player that Castiel's pretty sure he recognises but can't name. He puts the book, open and face-down, on the bedside table and when he looks up at Castiel his eyes catch on his torso and his cheeks tinge red. "Is that my henley?"

"No… well, yes. How did you know it was me?" Castiel asks, taking a seat on the edge of Dean's mattress, picking up the candy wrapper he finds hidden in the sheets. He rolls his eyes and stands up to put it in the trash can. 

"You still don't make a sound when you walk, hell knows how," Dean replies. "What's up, Cas?"

"You knew about the pregnancy before Sam, right? How?"

"Oh! She'd tried hiding the test in the bathroom trash can but I accidentally kicked it over as I was trying to get out of my jeans when they were caked in ghoul guts," Dean explains, shrugging his shoulders, mouth turned up into a grin. "I knew it wasn't mine, and I suspected it wasn't yours or Sam's."

Castiel frowns, tilting his head to the side as he tries to process Dean's words. "Dean, humans who were born male cannot become pregnant, it couldn't have been yours, mine or Sam's."

Dean lets out a loud guffaw and leans over to slap the back of his hand over Castiel's hip in a playful manner, leaving his hand on Castiel's hip when he's done it. "It was a joke, Cas."

"I still don't always understand sarcasm, Dean."

Dean laughs again and pats his thigh in a way he always does when Castiel doesn't understand something; it makes him feel naive, but strangely, he never hates it. "It's okay, Cas, I can't always tell when someone's being sarcastic either." Castiel isn't sure he believes that - Dean always seems to understand the subtle nuances of social etiquette - but he doesn't argue. He's figuring out how to begin the conversation with Dean that he's been meaning to have for days now when Dean speaks again. "Hey, do you want to go on a hunt, just you and me? If I have to deal with Sam and Eileen's baby bubble one more day I might just become a demon again," Dean says with a grin. Then, when Castiel has stared at him with a strange mixture of confusion and horror for long enough and is just about to say something, Dean bursts into laughter. "That was another joke, Cas."

"I knew that," Castiel says, though he didn't. "Yes, we can go on a hunting trip."

Dean grins and pats Castiel's leg again. "Good. I sent the kids to see to a vamp in Cedar Rapids, but Sam found a haunting in Wyoming so I'll send them there and we'll take Iowa. If we leave in the morning we'll get there by noon." 

"Alright," Castiel replies, nodding his head. He's trying to figure out how to bring up the things he wants to say to Dean, the things he's been feeling for far longer than he'd care to admit when Dean interrupts him.

"Hey, I lied to you before, about the touching thing. I know I said some people are just like that, and I mean they are but-"

"Dean," Castiel interrupts, sensing a tangent coming on that he's unlikely to pull Dean from if he lets it go on too long. "I think I'm in love with you."

Dean stares at Castiel for a long time, mouth slightly open in shock, and Castiel grows worried, terrified he's about to be rejected. He's been rejected by Dean before, but not in this way, not for the way he wants Dean, and he's not sure he can take it. He's about to pull away, save himself from further humiliation when Dean finally speaks, "Me, too. Well, I don't mean that I think you love me, I mean that I think I love you, too." Dean screws up his mouth before it smooths out into a smile. "Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure I do. Have for a while."

Castiel's heart is hammering in his chest and he's trying to decide what to say next when Dean speaks again.

"Can I kiss you?"

Castiel lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and nods vigorously. "Please."

Dean and Castiel surge towards each other at the same time, meeting in the middle with an unpleasant, painful clack of teeth. Laughter bubbles up from Dean's chest when Castiel pulls away to apologise.

"You're fine, Cas, come back here," Dean tells him, reaching around the back of Castiel's neck, threading his fingers through the short hairs at the base of his skull. 

Castiel goes easily when Dean pulls him in, letting himself be led, his head moving into the right position so when their lips meet again there's no teeth and no pain. His lips are soft and gentle, carefully easing Castiel into something more with his tongue, sliding a hand around the back of Castiel's neck to hold him there (not that Castiel would ever go anywhere). Castiel holds onto Dean by his sides, fitting his hands around the curves of his hips, feeling the way the muscles bunch and jump under his shirt. 

Dean licks into Castiel's mouth and he responds in kind, tasting the inside of his mouth before pulling back to heave a deep breath. The freckles on Dean's cheek stand out against the red flush that has spread across them and Castiel wants to lean forward and press a kiss to each and every one of them, no matter how long it takes. He realises he's been just sitting there, staring at Dean's cheeks for an abnormally long time and turns up so their eyes meet. Dean is bemused and his eyes are crinkled in the corner.

"You're happy," Castiel says - a guess, one he hopes he has predicted correctly.

Dean nods and pushes forward to kiss Castiel again, taking Castiel's face into gentle hands. Despite his gentle hands, his kiss is anything but - it's passionate and all-consuming, and it takes Castiel's breath away. He's been kissed before, a few times, but no one has ever kissed him like Dean is kissing him - not even Meg made Castiel feel like he feels right now. Castiel grabs onto the neck of Dean's t-shirt to pull him closer, which imbalances him and causes him to fall into Castiel with a grunt of laughter. Castiel has to plant a hand on the bed to hold himself up when Dean crashes into him so they don't fall to the ground. 

"Move up, I'd really rather not fall off the bed," Castiel tells him, pushing Dean backwards until he sits back against the headboard. He's left his legs spread and Castiel settles in between them, on his knees, rubbing his hands on the thighs of his sweatpants nervously. "I want… can we…"

"Uh," Dean brushes his lips with the side of his index finger then chews at his fingernail before he finally says, "Yeah. I want to. I've not… with a man."

"No, neither have I." 

Dean reaches down and fingers Castiel's t-shirt, looking up at him through the fan of his eyelashes. Castiel thinks Dean's asking for permission to remove his clothing and through flaming cheeks and a heat deep in his belly he nods.

Dean whispering, _"as much as I love it when you're in my clothes,"_ makes the heat in his gut grow stronger and spread through his body, to his fingertips and his toes. Once he's been divested of his shirt he surges forward to kiss Dean again, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to pull them closer together. He slides his palm over the scarred handprint across the freckled skin of Dean's shoulder, missing the thrum of his own power he left there when he raised Dean from hell, a thrum he felt every time he touched it when he still had his Grace. A shiver runs through Dean and Castiel wonders if Dean can still feel it, even if Castiel can't anymore.

Castiel pulls Dean's shirt over his head and hooks his fingers in the waistband of Dean's sweatpants, looking for permission to remove them. Dean nods and helps Castiel do so, lifting his hips and then his legs before Castiel throws it onto the floor and out of the way. He's not wearing briefs, and when Castiel looks down, his cock is there, out for him to see, and the heat in Castiel's belly grows, causing his knees to weaken and his mouth to go dry. Castiel wants to reach out and touch him, wants to find out what Dean tastes like, how he feels on his tongue, but he doesn't know how to ask, wouldn't know how to go about it even if Dean said yes. Instead, he kisses the man again, pressing up against his body.

"Yours too, Cas."

It takes Castiel a moment to understand what Dean's said, but when he does he climbs off of the bed so fast he almost falls to the ground. He pushes his sweatpants and briefs down so they fall around his ankles, then kicks them away before climbing back onto the bed in front of Dean. "Better?"

Dean's grin is bright and full of teeth, sharp like a wolf's and he says, "Much. Swap with me and lay back." Castiel almost falls off of the bed again as they swap positions, and he's laughing when he rests his head against the pillows, his arm flung over his eyes. Dean's laughing too, and when Castiel feels Dean brace himself above him with his hands on either side of Castiel's head he pulls his arms away. "You were an angel, how are you so clumsy? You're gonna brain yourself one day." Castiel doesn't understand the saying, and at his confusion Dean laughs again, presses his face into Castiel's neck. "Hit your head really hard."

"Oh," Castiel says, nodding his head thoughtfully. "Yes, probably." 

"'Probably'?" Dean mutters in disbelief, leaning down to press their mouths together again so Castiel cant reply. When Castiel feels thoroughly kissed, Dean pulls back, a look of nervous anticipation on his face, and says, "I haven't really… I've never done this before, you'll have to, like, tell me if you don't like something."

Castiel nods his head and watches as Dean takes a deep breath and begins climbing his way down Castiel's body. He stops when he reaches Castiel's groin, chewing his lip as he turns his head down from Castiel's face to look at his cock. He hesitates and Castiel tells him, "We don't have to, Dean."

"Oh trust me, we're doing this." He says it with so much conviction that Castiel's breath catches in his throat and his heart threatens to flutter out of his chest. "I'm just… trying to figure out how to start. Also? Are dicks supposed to look this nice?"

A burst of laughter is startled from Castiel. "What do you mean?"

"I dunno, dicks don't normally look like this, right? Like you'd see on a model or something? I don't know what I'm saying, Cas, just ignore me." Castiel really does try hard not to laugh at him, but Dean is just so flustered and nervous and it's just so sweet but also completely fucking hilarious. "Cas, _stop_."

"I'm sorry, I honestly didn't mean to laugh," Castiel says, though he's still chuckling behind his fist. It takes him a few moments to calm down and when he does, Dean's looking up at him with his mouth pouted, which only sets Castiel off again. Castiel laughs so hard for so long that his eyes water and his chest feels tight and Dean's just laying there between Castiel's legs with the biggest pout on his face, looking a bit dejected, but with a softness in his eyes that makes Castiel think if he wasn't pouting he'd be laughing too.

Dean must get sick of it quickly because he gets this determined look on his face before reaching up to take Castiel's cock in his hand and squeezing it gently so Castiel's laughter is abruptly cut off with a low groan. His mouth turns up into a smug smile and all Castiel can think about (besides the hand on his dick) is how green his eyes are, and how the warm light of the bedside table lamp makes his freckles more pronounced and striking.

Dean doesn't speak as he begins to move his hand, too engrossed in his task, trying his best to learn Castiel's dick and how to work his body, and Castiel can't take his eyes off of him. He pokes his tongue out the corner of his mouth at one point, which would have set off Castiel's laughing again if Dean hadn't chosen that exact moment to swipe the pad of his thumb over the head of his dick.

" _Fuck_ , Dean."

Dean grins, pleased at Castiel's reaction and repeats the motion a few more times before circling the head with his thumb while he squeezes him with his other fingers. Castiel isn't expecting it when Dean leans down and carefully fits his mouth around the head, because he was more than happy with the way Dean had been touching him, but damn does it feel good. 

Dean's tongue flicks out to touch the tip of Castiel's dick and his hips jolt up, shoving his dick further into Dean's mouth until he makes a small choking sound. "Oh crap, I'm so sorry, are you alright?"

Dean pulls off, his eyes water and laughs. "Yeah, wasn't expecting that." Castiel thinks he might give up then, except he goes back to it, fitting his mouth over the head again and holding Castiel's hips down with his hands so he can't buck up again.  
Dean sticks to the head, sucking it gently and flicking his tongue over the head until Castiel is practically vibrating with it, a pool of heat in his belly that makes his body feel liquid and warm. After a little while, Dean lifts off and looks up at Castiel and says, "Do you want to come like this, or do you want…"

He doesn't finish the sentence, but Castiel understands the implication, and fuck does he want that. "Do you have lubrication?"

Dean's cheeks flush red and he nods his head, climbing off the bed so he can go over to the bedside table and pull open the top drawer, retrieving a small bottle of clear liquid from inside. He looks at the bottle in his hand, and then back at Castiel and says, "I figure it's kind of like doing a girl?"

Castiel shrugs, because he doesn't know either.

"Should I like… Google it?" Castiel just shrugs again, so Dean takes his phone off of the bedside table and begins to tap away on the screen, cheeks turning redder as the moments pass. He's chewing at his bottom lip as his eyes comb the screen until he finally says, "Okay, hold on, I think I got it." He climbs back onto the bed, between Castiel's legs and places the phone on the mattress next to Castiel's thigh. He takes one of Castiel's legs into his hands and lifts it up so his thigh is pressed into his belly and says, "Hold onto this." Castiel does as he's told, hooking his hand under his knee as Dean spreads his other leg out to the side. "Okay, fuck, give me a second." 

One of his hands has disappeared, and when Castiel cranes his neck to look down at him, he can just see it squeezed around his cock. It isn't moving, and he realises that Castiel like this, with his body open and on display for Dean is affecting him so much he's worried he might come too soon, and that makes his own cock give a throb.

"Okay," Dean says again, nodding his head and bringing his hand back to Castiel's body. He looks back at his phone for a moment, then flips open the cap on the bottle of lube and begins to pour it over his fingers. He has this look of absolute concentration on his face as he rubs his fingers together to smooth the slick over them, and Castiel finds himself unbearably endeared. 

At the first touch of Dean's slick fingers, the press of it against his hole and then the pressure of it as Dean slides it inside gently, Castiel groans, reaching down to wrap his hand around Dean's shoulder. He gets the hang of it pretty quickly, mumbling about it being _'pretty much the same'_ and then, as he's two fingers in and stretching his fingers as far inside Castiel as they can possibly go, he touches something inside Castiel that makes his whole body light on fire and then melt like candle wax. 

"What was that?" Dean asks incredulously, eyes as wide as saucers.

Castiel clears his throat and stretches out his back (which pops noisily in a few places) before looking down at Dean. "Not that I have any experience in the matter, but I suspect that was the prostate."

"That's a… that's a thing? It actually feels good when you touch it? Like a girl's g-spot?"

"While I never had sexual intercourse during the occupation of a female vessel, I suspect the notion is not dissimilar," Castiel replies, groaning when Dean stretches his finger out to touch his prostate again. His fingernails dig into the flesh of Dean's shoulder and a shiver rolls down the other man's body, a small moan spilling from his mouth. "Oh."

Dean's eyes flick up to Castiel's again, his pupils dilated and the flush spilling from his cheeks down his chest, and all he says is, "Yeah."

Dean slides a third finger inside Castiel's body, stretching him out slowly and carefully, before he finally removes all of his fingers and says, "Okay, I think you're ready, but if it hurts, I can do a fourth finger." Castiel nods his agreement and lets his suddenly aching legs fall back to the bed while he watches Dean search through the drawer again. He comes back with a condom, tearing the packet open and sliding it over his cock with ease. He moves his phone back to the bedside table, looks back at Castiel and says, "Uh."

"Eloquent," Castiel teases, though he suspects he knows what's stopped Dean, and he really doesn't have any idea either.

It's almost like a light turns on in Dean's mind and he says, "Hang on." Dean picks up the bottle of lube, pours some of the slick over his cock before finally climbing up the bed towards Castiel, settling beside him. He slides an arm underneath his back and uses the leverage to pull Castiel closer, slightly on his side, before hooking his arm under Castiel's knee to hold him open, sliding one of his legs between Castiel's. "Okay?"

Castiel's whole body is tingling, and Dean hasn't even gotten inside of him yet. He nods his head, then says, "Yeah," sliding his arm around the back of Dean's neck and pulling him down for a kiss. It's sloppier than it was before, wet with their mouths slanted against each other's and far more tongue, and it only serves to make the tingling worse. (Or maybe better is a more correct description.)

Dean's hand leaves Castiel's thigh to reach down between them and take a hold of his cock, pressing it against Castiel's hole before finally, gently, pressing inside.

It hurts - not too much but just enough that Castiel's whole body tenses and Dean has to pull out again so he doesn't actually do Castiel any damage. He kisses Castiel gently and into his mouth, whispers, "Baby, you gotta relax."

Dean's never called Castiel that before, and it makes his entire body feel warm and comfortable, melting into the mattress and into Dean's arms. As Dean starts to press his cock back inside Castiel, Castiel whispers, "Say it again."

Dean's eyes flutter open and Castiel almost drowns in the deep sea green of them before finally, again, Dean says, "You're doin' so well, baby."

Castiel surges forward to kiss Dean as the other man begins careful, measured thrusts of his cock inside Castiel's body, sliding further and further inside of him on every stroke. Castiel cries out on the last stroke inside, as his hole swallows the entirety of Dean's cock and the head of it brushes against his prostate. 

Dean whispers it again, " _Baby_ ," and a shiver runs down Castiel's spine. His body clenches around Dean's cock and the world narrows down to this moment on the mattress with Dean, Dean's cock inside of him, Dean's mouth on his. 

Dean's first proper thrust is hard and goes deep, leaving Castiel gasping for breath, digging his fingernails into the meat of Dean's shoulder until he's groaning, too. He tries to meet Dean thrust for thrust, but Dean's thrusts are too rapid for Castiel to follow, so he holds on while Dean fucks him, whispering into his ear, calling him _baby_.

Castiel grows close quickly, already on the edge for so long, and it suddenly occurs to Castiel that the feeling of being so close to coming isn't far from using his angelic power, and isn't that a strange concept? At a particularly deep thrust he moans, "Dean I'm so close, I'm gonna come."

Dean's hand slides from where he'd left it on Castiel's thigh to grasp at Castiel's cock, jerking it to the time of his thrusts. "C'mon, baby, I want you to come."

Castiel's not sure what it is, the strength of Dean's thrusts, the hand on Castiel's cock, the way Dean says _baby_ , or an amalgamation of all three, but Castiel is coming in moments. His back arches and he throws his head back as he splatters his chest with come, groaning Dean's name into the air.

Dean attaches his mouth to Castiel's throat as his thrusts become more rapid and irregular, fucking into Castiel until he's come too. Castiel kisses him as he shudders through his orgasm, taking his face into his hand and holding him there. Castiel can feel the warmth of his semen filling the condom and his body clenches around Dean once more, his cock twitching as he wonders what it would be like without the condom in the way. 

They break apart after a moment when Castiel's chest is tight with the need to breathe, and he falls back against the pillows, body heaving. He's just about to say something to Dean when Sam yells from the other room.

"We can hear you by the way! Well, I can!"

Dean covers a laugh with his hand and yells back, "Payback!"

Sam grumbles something neither of them can hear and Dean presses a kiss to Castiel's jaw before pulling his cock from Castiel's body and climbing away from him. Castiel falls into a boneless heap on the bed without Dean holding him up, like a marionette whose strings have been cut, and makes a whining noise he'd never expect to come from his own mouth.

Dean laughs as he steps up to the sink, removing and disposing of the condom before finding a washcloth and wetting it. "Oh, you're whiney after sex." Castiel shoots a mean look at him, watching as he cleans his dick with the cloth, then re-wets it and returns to the bed. "Just gonna make sure we don't stick together overnight, then we'll cuddle or something." Castiel makes another face but lets him wipe the come on his belly and chest off with the washcloth, and then wipe the thing over his hole without complaint. Dean doesn't even leave the bed after he's cleaned Castiel's skin, just throws the rag in the general direction of the sink, watches it fall with a splat onto the floor a foot away and shrugs his shoulders. He leans down and presses a kiss to Castiel's mouth, molding himself along Castiel's side and kicking his legs until he gets one hooked on the quilt and pulls it up over them.

"Dean, I do not normally sleep naked."

Dean laughs, closing his eyes and laying his head over Castiel's shoulder. "It's required after these kinds of things. Go to sleep, baby."

Castiel's heart flutters in his chest and he mumbles his assent before reaching over to the bedside table to turn the light off with a click.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you like Destiel? Well you're in luck! Profound Bond is a server on Discord for people just like you, you can find it [here](https://discord.gg/profoundbond)!


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